Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
