I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
