maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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