names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
