I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
