This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
