why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
