Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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