it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
