youre lurking in front of me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
