ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
