I wish my penis had an off switch
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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