did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
