This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
