Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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