She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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