my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I only lived at night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
