How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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