Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
