Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pooping to opera.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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