One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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