he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
