It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
