If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
