If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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