I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
