i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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