I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
