spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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