4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
