think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
