she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
