You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
