we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
