You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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