At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
