using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
