So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
