I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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