every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
