I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
