I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
