the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
