I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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