I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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