hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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