I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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