isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
