we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
