Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
