You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
