You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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